The horror of watching my daughter die: if only she’d had an ‘off switch’
Have your say on these MetroTalk topics and more in the comments.
‘I wish politicians who opposed the bill could explain to her how that was a better end…’
I’m writing this email just two days after watching my daughter Kate, 43, die of cancer in a hospice.
I don’t know if I will be able to finish it, or press send. Just over a month ago, when she was told she had up to two months to live, Kate elected to have palliative care only. She, along with my ex-wife, then endured an utterly pointless month of pain, indignity, fear, anxiety and almost unendurable discomfort, despite wonderful care.
She was taken into a hospice 13 days before she finally died and we were all gradually worn down by her suffering until, after she had drawn her last wheezing breath, we hugged each other with relief for her as well as ourselves.
Her totally avoidable suffering was over, but we remain scarred by it all. Kate was a strong and decisive person and said from the start that if she had an ‘off switch’, she’d switch it.
The courage with which she accepted the prognosis and came to terms with the inevitable was slowly taken from her as she became more and more helpless and became a victim not only of the disease but of the arguments over whether to legalise assisted dying going on in parliament and the media, as she faced the reality of something they could only theorise about.
She recognised, as we all do, that safeguards are needed but to her and to us, her human right to choose her own end was cruelly and inexcusably denied her by political obfuscation and moral evasion. At times, I felt like dragging some politicians in by the hair, standing them in front of Kate as she was slowly destroyed, and letting them explain to her how that was a better end.
Oh yes, the bigger picture, the greater good… no, the heartless inhumanity and moral gutlessness. I will be looking up the MPs who voted against the bill [which was passed] and will never trust any of them to make a decision that really matters. Let them confine themselves to trivial issues where they can do no harm. Mike Longhurst, Tadworth
Not all men? Only certain ones
‘Label the perpetrators correctly, instead of using a catch-all definition’
Sarah from Brixton (MetroTalk, Fri) seems to think that ‘violence against women and girls’ is not being labelled correctly as it should say ‘male violence’.
I think she cannot have been listening to any of the recent debate as I’ve lost count of the number of times it has been labelled as ‘male violence’.
However, therein also lies the problem. Without specifying that it’s only certain men who you are accusing (and it is), you instantly alienate and lose the support of the majority of men who are on your side and who are not the perpetrators of this.
So before throwing easy labels around, perhaps first ensure that you label the perpetrators correctly, instead of using a catch-all definition that accuses innocent supporters of your cause. Paul, London
He’ll be back on the roads in 40 months
‘This matter has little to do with forgiveness’
Stephen Pickup (MetroTalk, Fri) calls for Christian forgiveness after I said the 19-year-old driver who left a woman paralysed from the neck down should have been banned for life.
I’m afraid the matter has very little to do with the concept of forgiveness.
By revoking his driver’s licence permanently, there is a greater chance he remembers for the rest of his life what harm he caused.
Restore his licence after his 40-month ban and someone with such limited intelligence – he was filming himself steering with his knees at the time – will soon put his misdemeanours behind him and carry on as if nothing had happened.
It also safeguards the rest of us – there is a chance of recidivism in such people because it is often in their nature not to learn. I don’t want anyone to be in this felon’s path next time he goes driving.
So a ban acts as a deterrent to anyone else who thinks they can get away with such horrific insensitive thoughtlessness that risks our lives.
Besides, banning this criminal from driving isn’t the worst judgement most of us would like to impose on him.
I would advise Stephen that being a ‘soft touch’ in the spirit of forgiveness is not always a wise thing and often wrongdoers will take advantage of that. William Barklam, Kent
Stephen says that ‘as a Christian’ he disagrees with the idea of permanent punishment for one’s actions. Are you going to tell him or shall I? Graham Pearson, Epsom
I am writing as a victim of forgiveness myself. As a boy, my brother was horrible to me and my parents were all too forgiving of him.
He saw it as reason to continue as he had before. Of course he showed no sign of repentance but then what is a sign of repentance? Accepting punishment would be the clearest one.
Of course, adults can and have done far worse than my brother did and it is the churches that are all too forgiving of them. The Church of England has a track record of seemingly ‘forgiving’ the sins of its clergy. If organisations resulting from the teachings of Jesus are anything to go by, those teachings are no guide to living a moral life. Charles EL Gilman, Mitcham
The mystery of the Metro cat has been solved!
The mystery cat pictured on these pages on Thursday, sheltering from the rain on copies of Metro at West Wickham station, has been identified.
His name is George and he belongs to Steven Fletcher – who, would you believe, works for Mail Metro Media – and his wife, Eloise.
‘George loves hanging around West Wickham station,’ says Eloise, who is a Met Police detective on maternity leave after having baby Louis in January.
‘He has a tracker and when he’s not at home he’s a regular on the platform and ticket hall. We get so many calls from commuters checking he’s OK to be there. But he’s no fan of the rain so loves resting on his favourite paper in a downpour.
‘We were astounded to see he was actually in Metro on Thursday, rather than on it!’ What a cool cat he is!
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