‘The council is forcing us to remove decorations from our daughter’s grave’

A grieving mum has said she was left ‘devastated’ after the council told her to remove decorations from her daughter’s grave because they “disturb the peace”. Gemma Sadler, 40, lost seven-year-old Lottie to a brain tumour in May 2023 and buried her in an adult plot so she could be laid to rest next to her one day.

The grave quickly became adorned with cuddly toys, trinkets and drawings by friends and family in tribute of the younger.

But earlier this week, local authorities in Brackley, Northamptonshire, told Gemma to remove the ornaments following complaints from visitors.

The 40-year-old said she was left in tears after receiving the emotionless letter from Brackley Council.

She said: “I haven’t slept since and I can’t eat because I can’t cope with it all. When she died, I chose for her to be in the adult section of the cemetery because I wanted to be with her and it wasn’t deep enough for me to be buried in the children’s area. I can’t wait to be with her, because I miss her so much.”

Gemma said she doesn’t go a day without visiting Lottie’s grave and wishes daughter a goodnight every evening and tells her about her day. She said the decorations were left on Lottie’s grave to show much the family love and miss her.

She said: “There’s nothing that would offend anyone. The letter was so cold.They’re treating Lottie as a plot number. They didn’t even use her name. It hasn’t been thought out at all and there’s no empathy. They basically said to take everything off or they will.”

The letter reads: “Over recent weeks, I have received complaints from visitors regarding the decorations, who feel that they are disturbing the peace of the cemetery. Therefore, I must request that you remove the items placed on the length of the grave within one month from the date of this letter and restrict any decorations to the area at the head of the plot where a memorial headstone would be placed. Once this has been completed, we will ensure the grave is grassed as other plots are within the area.”

Husband Jason, 45, launched a petition to stop the council from forcing them to remove the ornaments which has gathered more than 3,000 signatures. The council said they are arranging to meet the Sadler family to discuss the issue.

Gemma said: “We were such a close family and we have lots of friends so it’s not just us who were putting things on there. She has little friends who watched her decline and they bring gifts for their own comfort. Her best friend put a solar light on the grave so she’s not in the dark.

“This doesn’t just affect us. The council said they’ll have a meeting about the rules. I don’t want them to change the rules for everyone but the fact is that she’s a child and children are allowed small gardens with decorations.

“When we went to choose the plot, we weren’t in the right frame of mind but we always wanted her to have a garden. No parent wants to have to do that. It’s the only place we have for a bit of comfort and now it’s going to be a bit of grass. It’s heartbreaking and the whole family is so broken.”

Lottie was diagnosed with a brain tumour in May 2022. Gemma rushed Lottie to hospital after she became “violently” sick, had a migraine and one side of her face drooped. The young girl had five operations to relieve the pressure on her brain, intensive chemotherapy and six weeks of radiotherapy.

The family had been “hoping for a miracle” but were told by doctors the treatment was not working and Lottie was then placed into palliative care. She was buried in the cemetery in June 2023.

Gemma said: “It was so traumatic. We’ve seen things that no parent should ever have to see. Lottie really suffered going through her treatment. Jason and I have PTSD and depression from everything that we’ve been through.

“Lottie was the most kind and caring little girl. She always put other people first. We’d go shopping before we went to the hospital and she’d get stick-on nails and things like that, then she’d share them with all of her friends. She was so special. This has caused us so much stress. People need to realise how devastating this is.

“I don’t think the council realise what a toll this has taken on our mental health.” A Brackley Town Council spokesperson said: “The Brackley Town Council wishes to sincerely apologise to the Sadler Family. The letter we sent to them was never intended to cause any distress, and we will continue to work towards a resolution that considers the needs of all families at our cemetery. The town council will be calling an extraordinary meeting to discuss this issue at the earliest possible time so that a resolution can be met.”