Trump To Sign Executive Order Saving Plastic Straws, Which Aren’t Banned

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Catering to the rebellious juveniles in temperament among us, Trump is vowing to give us back plastic straws as he metaphorically burns the country to the ground.

Thanks?

President Donald Trump announced that he will sign an executive order ending the push for paper straws.

Trigger warning, incoming rant from the President via Truth Social that is so childish it might scare reasonable people:

“I will be signing an Executive Order next week ending the ridiculous Biden push for Paper Straws, which don’t work. BACK TO PLASTIC!”

We can’t go “back” to plastic when plastic straws weren’t banned yet.

Plastic straws seem close to Trump’s heart as he’s used plastic straws as part of his campaigning previously, including branding plastic straws as owning the libs, “Liberal paper straws don’t work.”

A pause while we survey the government under Trump, because it sure doesn’t look like it’s working and that is, after all, his supposed actual job.

Or maybe he just hates everything former President Joe Biden has ever done, because Biden beat him in 2020. And yes, in November of 2024, Biden made an announcement regarding a national strategy to take on pollution.

What a creep, right?

So Biden wanted to encourage us to reduce the use of plastic, including plastic straws. But of course, the president can’t ban plastic straws for the country.

Biden instead used a strategy his administration implemented often of setting standards for the federal government over which he had purview. So Biden set the target goal of eliminating plastic straws by 2035 in government departments.

If you’re Trump, this is the end of the world, even though it’s ten years away and would have only impacted government departments. But we shouldn’t expect long-term thinking from a Republican president who pulled the country out of the Paris climate change agreement soon after his inauguration and makes awkward gestures while chanting “drill, baby, drill.”

We are not dealing with a deep thinker here.

Trump has long railed against paper straws, and used them as an issue his base should be focused on. Yes, pay extra in taxes you serfs, and you won’t be forced to drink out of paper straws! Oh, no one was going to force you to drink out of paper straws? Well, be mad anyway because ten years from now, a Democrat was going to ban plastic straws from the federal government and for sure the “greatest country on earth” would not have invented anything better in the interim.

“They want to ban straws. Has anyone tried those paper straws? They’re not working too good,” Trump whined in 2020.

These are the issues upon which Trump excels: The non-issue. He has solved something that wasn’t happening! Please clap.

What do you think about Trump addressing the “plastic straws crisis?” Share your opinion in the comments below.

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