There’s A ‘Vibe Shift’ On Reddit—People Are Sharing Heartfelt Stories Of Loneliness And Isolation Due To The Pandemic And Working From Home

It’s subtle, but you may be feeling it too. Two years of coping with the pandemic, followed by what may become a world war, have changed our outlook on life and work. Many of us have shifted our priorities. We are caring about having a better work-life balance and want to do something meaningful and important. The “vibe shift” can be seen on Reddit.

Known for its large subreddits, such as r/antiwork and r/wallstreetbets, a closer look at conversations on other groups shows that there are a lot of candid conversations happening between members trying to help one another with dealing with issues that people have been uncomfortable sharing. There are open and honest conversations regarding the loneliness epidemic—feeling alone and isolated, while working remotely, and other mental health matters.

Here are some examples from various communities that highlight this new “vibe shift” of openness and sharing vulnerabilities

Single people that live alone and work from home, how do you deal with loneliness?

“I (27F) recently moved from Boston, MA to Dallas, TX. I work remotely and I’m single. I also don’t have any family in the area. I’ve joined some [Facebook] groups in hopes to make friends through meetups (hosting one at a coffee shop this weekend). Dating hasn’t been the greatest (I’m on the apps, but haven’t met someone for me yet).

I go out to coffee shops to work once a week and also FaceTime my mom or friends a few times a week. I also go to the gym 6x a week and run errands a lot to get some social interaction in/get out of the house.

Is there anything else I can/should be doing to cope with the loneliness (and slight panic, as all my friends are living with their [significant others] and engaged/married, while I’m essentially still starting over)?”

How to find a good remote job?

I just graduated college with a bachelor’s degree in strategic communications/public relations. I have four years’ work experience as a marketing manager, social media Manager and influencer marketing manager (different roles throughout my professional experience, but always in the marketing space) and I CANNOT get a job. I apply to 20+ jobs a day, take my time, be thorough and still can barely land an interview.

I’ve done maybe 10 interviews in the past three months of searching and haven’t been able to land anything. I don’t know what’s wrong. I’m outgoing [and] have done pageantry my entire life, so interviews come natural to me. I don’t understand.

Does anyone have any advice? 😞 I’m wanting to work remotely, but I can’t keep going unemployed. I have part time-jobs right now, managing accounts, but it’s not enough for me to live.

In fact, I want to be overemployed and work multiple jobs to pay off my debt as fast as possible.

Any suggestions?!?!”

Anyone else struggle with feeling lonely/bored throughout your work days while working from home?

“I joined a new job a year ago. I like the work I do and my co-workers are nice, but there isn’t all that much socialization and I sometimes struggle to get through a full workday without feeling somewhat alone. Anyone else feel this way? If so, is there anything you do that helps with that?”

I need help.

“I’m 24. I have no friends. I work from home. I’m so lonely. I’ve been drinking too much. I’m so tired. I feel so lost and helpless and I’m at such a low point. I need advice. I see a therapist every two weeks, and I’m on medication. Nothing seems to be helping. I need more social activities in my life, but I don’t know where to begin. I really need advice.”

Women who work from home and live alone, are you also becoming an antisocial shut-in?

“I (32F) was once an extremely busy social butterfly before the world changed in March 2020. I live in NYC and had a huge network and pretty much was living the life.

Now, fast forward to August 2021, I have completely morphed into an antisocial, practically agoraphobic shut-in. Partly due to the fact that I live alone (except for my dog) and chose to be single during the pandemic and I work from home. Now, I’ve gotten so used to it that I’m getting concerned that this is just going to be my life. Because the problem is, I don’t WANT to talk to people/see my friends/see my family/go out anymore. I don’t even have the urge to because I’ve become so used to just being alone. Everyone I know is going out to bars and restaurants and living life as normal, but I just have no urge to. I feel very disconnected from that life—once my former life.

It’s Sunday today. Friday night and Saturday night, I spent on my couch, numbing out with Netflix. I do this every single weekend and I can’t snap out of it. Because I live alone, my condo is a mess, I wear the same 3 T-shirts over and over and just don’t feel motivated for anything. I miss having the urge to be social with friends and I miss going into work every day. My cute clothes, shoes, jewelry and makeup have been collecting dust for a year and a half, and it’s honestly depressing.

It doesn’t help that my firm is strongly considering permanent work from home. I don’t want to work from home forever. I need that normal routine so badly. I need to be forced to be around people again. It’s depressing and isolating knowing that while the rest of the world seems to be thrilled about remote work, I seem to be one of the few who is mourning my old “boss-babe city life,” wearing my chic, work wardrobe, running around Manhattan networking and feeling ‘alive’…I can’t be the only woman struggling with this right now, right?”

I don’t think of myself as a hugely social person, but some days it’s hard to stay motivated because I feel so isolated from my co-workers.

“To be sure, on days when I have a ton of work that requires a high degree of concentration, I’m glad not to have any disruptions. But most of the time, I feel like I’m on an island. I like what I do and miss being surrounded by people who share a professional excitement for our craft. The vibe is not the same with remote collaboration, even though the end product is still high quality.

I am still figuring out how to combat workday slumps due to boredom and loneliness, but I wanted you to know you’re not alone. When I try to explain to my spouse and friends, who work in offices or have hybrid schedules, they scoff at the idea that a 100% WFH situation could be anything but utopia.”

Here is some of the advice Reddit members offered

“You want to find the part of your routine in the morning where you have a moment (well, five minutes—when you’re having a cup of tea or coffee, for instance). Keep a notebook in that spot (at your desk or kitchen table). You must write out the experiment.

1). THE THREE GRATITUDES: Write down three things you are grateful for (no matter how simple or small). At first, I could only write about the cup of tea I was drinking! It can be any three things big or small. As you get into this, you’ll get more creative and become strangely exuberant about what you feel grateful for.

2). THE DOUBLER: Next, you want to take one of those three things and elaborate on it a bit (just a few sentences) OR pick a new gratitude to elaborate on. If you have more than a little time, write as much as you like.

3). THREE SMILES: Smile at 3 living creatures today…smile at your doggie, smile at your kitty, co-workers, toll-booth workers, babies, kids, old folks…

4). THE FUN-15: This one is the optional one, but [it] will speed up the process. You want to get 15 minutes of fresh air and exercise…a lovely walk with some sunshine, if possible (if you’re NOT up to this yet, you can add it in after 21 days when you feel better). This can be done at any time of the day, afternoon, evening (separate from the notebook work). If you already work out, you’re all set.

5). CONNECT: Connect with one person today. It can even be an electronic connection…so, if you email your mom or text a friend or your sister, it still works!

That’s all you have to do for 21 days. I started doing this about a year ago last February and after 21 days (I did not skip because I was out to prove the author wrong), I felt better. I felt a lot better. I decided that It had to be the placebo effect, so I kept doing this exercise for three months! After three months, I figured there was something to this neural construction thing (or whatever it’s called) and I kept doing the ‘three gratitudes’ straight through till August. I kept waiting for the music to stop, but it didn’t. In September, I decided to experiment and I stopped doing the exercise just to see whether I would go back to default (after seven months of being a happy, optimistic, creative and grateful person).

It has now been seven more months of NOT doing the three gratitudes and I’ve maintained 70% to 80% of the gain.

This month I have started doing the exercise again just because I WANT that 20% back! The only time I’ve slipped back into feelings of real pessimism was one week when I had the flu, but it lifted as soon as I started recovering. It is interesting to note that the old neural networks still exist and don’t go away, but if you REPLACE them with better ones you can override the old belief system.

I’ve told my son, family members and a few friends about this marvelous phenomenon, but no one is interested. I’m sharing this because it would be wonderful for me if someone could benefit from trying this too. I think people are reluctant because it sounds so corny, almost unbelievable and possibly outside some imagined comfort zone. All I know is I have a studio full of paintings and I feel kind of like that exuberant art-making kid before anyone told her that her world-view was wrong. If anyone has luck with this please leave me a message; I want to hear!”

“I moved to a completely different country during the pandemic, so I had to force myself to meet people. Now, I have a bunch of stable friendships and I meet more and more cool people through them.”

“I found a group of remote workers and we actually have a pretty solid community. Some people come and go, but there are people who live here long term. I met them on a Monday. On Saturday, we were already doing a day trip to some random people’s home we met for a few hours.”

“Sometimes, it is helpful to find out what you enjoy doing and find people who do that. I am a writer and met fellow artists through a volunteer group.”

“Often, it’s a numbers game to find friends.”

“Have you tried co-working spaces? I go to a common desk and it’s nice to interact with humans from time to time.”

“Volunteer? Maybe at an animal shelter. “

“Dogs are a huge (and expensive) commitment though, and it can be difficult when you don’t have a support system in place when you move to a new place. I often suggest that people who are interested in dog ownership try to foster, volunteer, dogsit for friends or get involved in the community first to see if having a dog is a good fit for their lifestyle. I mean, if you get a puppy, it’s usually a 12 to 15 year commitment.”

“Best way to meet like-minded people and make friends in a new city? Ideally, pick a cause that is close to your core values and/or a field that you are genuinely interested in, because you may mesh with the people you meet better. :)”

“For me, the answer is:

• Creating a home that I like being in
• Having hobbies and interests that I like doing on my time off.(also a good way to meet new people)
• Being comfortable alone, and going places alone and being able to have fun with whoever is there—or no one”