Listen. I love LeBron James. Don Cheadle. All of the Looney Tunes, especially Tweety Bird. And Marvin the Martian. But after seeing Space Jam: A New Legacy—which I did enjoy, by the way—I may never get the image of a 10-foot-tall, jacked CGI Don Cheadle out of my head. Nor the Notorious P.I.G. Last night, Foghorn Leghorn visited me in my dreams, Daenerys-esque wig flying around, wailing, “WINTER IS COMING!”
I have one suggestion. Because, contrary to public opinion, it seems, I do want to see another Space Jam movie. (Which does seem like a possibility.) At the end of the film, Bugs returns to the real world, walking off into the sunset with Bronny. Then, during the end credits, we seen portraits of the Toons out and about on planet Earth. Notably? Lola Bunny shaking hands with Naomi Osaka on a tennis court—who doesn’t want to see how that match played out? This brings me to my note. After A New Legacy‘s slew of underwhelming reviews, it’s clear that for the Tunes to keep their athletic pursuits alive they need to give up on their hoop dreams. Folks, it’s time for a new sport.
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Almost right away, it’s pretty damn clear that the Space Jam franchise had gone the way of the Washington Wizards’ MJ era. Clearly, the hive mind at Warner Bros. thought that it needed to level up the basketball battle from the OG Space Jam. The answer? Make it a literal video game. The climactic hoops game goes by the rules of the game created by the king’s fictional son, Dom. It goes by the name of… Dom Ball. (By the way: Dom, my man, you just remade NBA Street.) So, the basketball game we see in A New Legacy is an acid-tripped, CGI marathon of dunks and fire and loud noises. It’s fairly obvious that A New Legacy‘s team thought that normal-ish basketball wasn’t enough to keep the young-ins engaged—hence the film making poor Klay Thompson a villain called Wet-Fire.
Unless Space Jam 3 features Zion Williamson battling a team of dinosaurs in Hollow Earth, the Tunes are better off turning to the fresh slate of a new sport. There’s a reason why Space Jam fans lost their shit when Tony Hawk revealed that a skateboarding-centric spinoff, Skate Jam, was once in the works. The premise of an IRL sports hero acting alongside a bunch of quippy cartoons is fun! Endearing, even. Just not if it’s the same game over and over again. There are stars outside of basketball who would nail a performance alongside Bugs and Taz. Again, let’s see the Tunes take on the U.S. Open alongside Osaka. Maybe chew a big wad of bubblegum in the dugout alongside Shohei Ohtani and Mike Trout. Don’t make me mention Tom Brady. There’s more than enough time to prep an Olympics-themed Space Jam for the Paris Olympics, so we can get Simone Biles in the mix. Hell, if we want to get creative, throw the gang in a Fast and Furious-style epic alongside Lewis Hamilton.
Just don’t let A New Legacy be the thing that makes the Looney Tunes permanently irrelevant. I’m sure that Tony Hawk is still waiting on that Skate Jam call.
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