Canada

Who could be our next Governor General? The Great One? Prince Harry? Kim Campbell is available

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One of the old Governors General

Retired Governors General sort of have a bad habit of billing their former employer into oblivion. Adrienne Clarkson, for one, still hits up the Canadian taxpayer for up to $100,000 a year in office expenses. So why not put her back to work?

A Chinese spy

Let’s just say that Canada doesn’t have the best reputation of late at standing up to the People’s Republic of China. So, we might as well just own it and put an agent for Beijing in the job. Cameron Ortis, a former RCMP intelligence officer arrested for allegedly turning over secrets to China, is already in custody, so moving him to Rideau Hall could be framed as a lateral move.

A torn-down statue of John A. Macdonald

A controversial choice, to be clear, but Canada has a long political tradition of getting rid of inconvenient figures via patronage appointments. So, by consigning Macdonald’s brass visage to the murky depths of Governor Generaldom, opponents no longer have to see him looming over their civic parks, and supporters can take solace that the appointment is technically an honour. It’s a win-win, really.

Margaret Atwood’s robot pen

Canada could do well to automate a job whose core responsibilities involve signing things the prime minister gives them. In 2006, author Margaret Atwood invented the LongPen, a robotic pen that would allow her to attend book signings remotely. There’s no reason it couldn’t also be programmed as a purveyor of royal assent.

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