Cover Snark: Tiger & Chad’s First Date

It’s Monday! You deserve some Cover Snark!

From Carole: Not sure if someone else caught this one – just sooo bad.

Sarah: Also the gentleman delivering gifts needs to (a) CLOTHE the NEWBORNS and (b) possibly put on his own pants.

Tara: What was he holding in the original photo?

Kiki: if a man gives me twins as a Christmas gift I’m going to be GREATLY displeased.

Catherine: He’s going to drop that baby right on its head, but that might not matter if it already has hypothermia. I don’t think he should be put in charge of babies, either way.

Amanda: I feel like we had another “delivering his gifts” with a Dr. Nips on a couch.

Found ya! 

Sneezy: My dude, flexing your boobs won’t actually help you with baby holding.

Taken by the Tiger by Milly Taiden. A tiger is leaping and looks like he's about to pounce onto a ripped blond man who is staring at his own bicep.

From Kerri: I found this cover and I needed to share it. There’s just so much. The pit sniff check, the fact that the dude appears to have been chopped off at the hips. Whatever is going on with his bicep, because that’s not a shape found in nature. The amount of static electricity in the flying tiger’s fur.

Sarah: I get the pit sniffing dudes confused. There are so many.

Tara: I’m imagining the tiger running, shouting “Goddammit Chad, stop staring at your bicep again. I’m supposed to be taking you somewhere!”

Amanda: Where is the tiger taking you, Chad? Out to a nice seafood dinner?

Sneezy: Forget Chad, Tiger!!! You were always meant to be with ME!!!!

Seriously, I think my brain is breaking. I see a pouncing tiger, and all I want to focus on is its FLOOF, and how much I want to SNUGGLE IT, and all the PETS I’ll give- is this how I’ll die?

Anubis by Kris Michaels. It's just a dude's kind of muscular back standing in front of the American flag.

From Amanda: The muscles looks like he has a hernia in the wrong spot.

Sarah: This is not my preferred Rorschach test, thanks.

Tara: Is Anubis the name of the bulge?

Sarah: …which one?

There are so many.

Tara: This one! Please note, I used the star to keep with the patriotic imagery theme.

Tara has outlined one of the back bulges in a patriotic red star

Amanda: It all looks like bread dough to me.

Sneezy: …so…Aliens but Egyptian myth style?

And why would Anubis, well, CARE about white America?

Or accept a salaried position?

Catherine: Ok, this cover is creeping me out because I’m waiting for the bugs to burst out of his skin. Presumably the bugs are scarabs, in keeping with the Egyptian theme…

Rancher's Pregnant Ex by Mary Sue Jackson. A very thirsty looking man in a cowboy hat stares off into the distance at a field of cows.

From Jen. Thanks, Jen!

Sarah: This guy thinks the sun rises and sets on him, no question. Also he probably has a sunburn.

Elyse: Is the sun shining out of his ear?

Lara: Also, is it just me or does he look seriously dehydrated?

Carrie: It’s not just you.

The fact that it’s called “The Rancher’s Pregnant Ex” but only this dude is on the cover makes me wonder. Is HE the pregnant ex? That is a thing that can happen…but if so, I really hope he starts drinking more fluids!

Claudia: Agreed, he’s starting to look desiccated. Sunscreen would not go amiss either.

Sneezy: Seconding what everyone is saying about fluids and sunscreen. Jesus fuck, the bullet nipples also don’t help.

Catherine: I realise that by Rancher Novel Cover rules, he is staring dehydratedly off into the distance thinking about his ex. But something about the placement of the cow on the cover is making me think that we are actually going by Shapeshifter Novel Rules, in which case, there is definitely a bovine shapeshifter in this story. Which is a twist on the rancher romance that I now kind of want to read…

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